Holidazed & Confused.

Yeah, sorry. I'm still blogging about the holidays. I know, I know! But there are certain things I just can't let go, and I certainly can not wait to share this till December. But don't worry Murry, it's not like I still have my Christmas tree still up, or that I keep empty jars of mayonnaise in my fridge, or I'm hoarding cat skeletons on accident. You get the picture...and I've been watching too much A & E. I was home in Miami for Christmas and saw these festive ass nuggets walking around in public. P-U-B-L-I-C. This is a grown damn woman, walking around. She's GROWN!



I spotted this mother/daughter tart combo sporting high, elf socks in the food court. This is going to require some therapy later on - I have a feeling. And it's not gas...for once. You might think it's the same lady. And no, it's not. This is just what you look like from the back when you dress like this. Tell somebody. Tell everybody. Please. Save yo'self.



I caught this adorably delicious Santa's helper food shopping. She was nice enough to let me take her pic, so I'm not going to write anything scathing or judgemental.

g-r-o-w-n.



Express that holiday, cray cray, high sock, culotte action at home! Like my mom and I do! This my mom getting the table ready for Christmas dinner, awww...ain't she cute? At home? Where no one can see her? And we can celebrate and get down in private?



Now, this is how I spread my Christmas cheer. In the morning, with a cute snowman coffee cup. No camel toe required.

Torcher. Absolute torcher.

Dear Macy's,

Although I'm was really excited & relieved to find affordable spanks in my size, do you have to go selling Godiva f'ing chocolate at the register? I understand the concept of cross promotion, and supply & demand. However, I must let you know, that this is rude, and just mean. I said it.

Sincerely,
Miss Buteau

Scarlett Johansson in Drag?

No, for realsies. I was frolicking in the mall, trying to find something to fit over my woman parts for New Years Eve, & I saw this advertisement. Now, I've been to my fair share of drag shows, and I have to say - either this person is a pretty man, or a damn cute butch. But dayuuum - tell me this doesn't look like Scarlett in drag?!

Aww, come on!!! Work. It.

I'm so over usernames.

With every damn website it seems like you need a user name, password, PIN code, personality, uh. Even if you order coffee, you need to give a name for your order. Say what? I'm over giving my name, and making up fake ones. I'm just using phrases from now on.

I had to create a user name & password to use free wifi the other day at a coffee shop. Yes, I did that. I'll do it again.

Oh my gawd. Thanksgiving. I'm still full. Why.

This Thanksgiving was extra special for a bitch, it was my Dutch husband's first one! And he was, well, underwhelmed. He couldn't understand why we made 4xs the amount of food, & I gots nothing except for - "It's tradition!!!" I mean, Christmas in Holland, Sinter Klaas has a "helper" called Zwarte Piet (means black Peter) in black face, who got dark from jumping down the chimey for him. Really? Then why does he have an afro? I'm just sayin. Tradition, shmadition!

Oh ma Good. You can't make that up. Back to turkey time. The Dutchy & I cooked with friends for my rents who flew in from Miami. It was tres cute. And if you don't know how to make a turkey, honey please, that's what www.marthastewart.com is fo! That bird didn't have a damn chance. Look how cute our food looked!!

Look how uncute the dishes looked. I was washing pots like I was in prison or some sh*t.

Margot Lietman made homemade maple syrup cupcakes. Um, panties off!

No seriously. She even made the maple leave from something almond and delish. I've got 8 in my fridge, and still eating them!

My mom was in a straight food coma. Tres cute.

Holidays! Let's do it.

NBC's Shortcuts Film Festival! Say word.

Yes honey, it was time for the annual Shortcuts Film Festival, and it was dope.
Wil Sylvince & Kendra Carter - the "go to" peeps that run the festival did not disappoint. I did warm up while everyone filed in their seats, and it was insane! (in a good way, hello ... )



I'm looking down at the audience and I see Eric La Salle. Of course I hear that song in my head .. "so letcha soooouuuull glow!"


Moving on to the next seat, was Robert Townsend. Would it be weird to pass out head shot & resumes on stage? Don't judge. Craig Robinson hosted the event & had everyone rolling the whole damn time. If you're into film making, you HAVE to submit your materials to Comedy Shortcuts. Stop thinking and starting doing. It's kind of amazing.



Hilarious comedian Karith Foster. Haaay.
Lookin' like a sister girl morning talk show!
www.karithfoster.com

I've got no jokes. Just catch phrases.

It's true. It wouldn't ever matter what I share on stage. My deepest, darkest, too real for tv stories, the only thing people would ever remember & quote back to me would be "Haaaaay", "Shhhut up!", or "Start that rumor!". No, but for reals. I've been performing at colleges regularly for the past 3 years, and my most favorite catch phrase out of an hour's worth of material & hundreds of schools? "From the Waist Down." What does it mean? Not a damn thing. Where'd I get it from? I have not damn idea. It just feels good. It's like ketchup, it'll go with any damn thing. Will these four little letters pay my bills? Probably not. But it makes me smile, and as far as I'm concerned, that sh*t is priceless. I remember the first time I did my "From the Waist Down" joke at NACA a couple of years ago. My showcase was fun, and when I was crossing the street, and van of kids yelled - "FROM THE WAIST DOWN!!!!!" I immediately looked at my zipper! My agent was all, "hello b*tch, isn't that your joke?" In that short moment, I felt like Chris Rock, but with back fat & aggressive hair. It was amazing...from the waist down.

I'll post video later. Get into it.